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I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
I hope my last words aren’t “What does this thing do?”
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing