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Always look for the girl with the ponytail holder on her wrist.
My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart anymore isnt it??
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.