Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Very productive day today, turd-wise
It`s so awkward when you get texted to come over and you have to pretend like you weren`t already inside their house.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.