Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I`m grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
Monday: A terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
Before bed, my Dad would always say, "OK son, time to hit the sack." Not sure how me punching him in the balls helped him sleep, but hey, that’s my Dad for ya.
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!