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At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.