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The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
I forgot to post this earlier
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?