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Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives me dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
facebook is the only book we read everyday.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.
I`ve often wondered: Who the heck is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.