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I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
Today is International Women’s Day. It was actually supposed to be held 2 days ago but they took too long to get ready.
You make me want to be a drunker person
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
Everytime I see a person jogging I already know they have facebook, everyone on facebook works out.
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
No matter how fast you run, the serial killer always walks faster.
drinks well with others.