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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.