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Vodka is just amazing water.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
One out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they´re okay, then it´s you.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
Lame! I was tricked into watching PS, I Love You! It`s definitely NOT about a guy that marries his PlayStation.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.