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One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
If I’m ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”
Reincarnation is my only hope.
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.