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Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it`s pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Are oranges named orange because they’re orange or is orange called orange because oranges are orange?
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria