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It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
I need new swear words.
Either my cooking’s improved or my family’s immune systems have strengthened.
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
My car rides usually consist of playing my music on random, then pressing “next” about 400 times.
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.