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Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
Your things are terrific.
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.