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I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
If one goes to online college, do they have to haze them self?
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
May have put up a few too many Christmas lights. A 747 just landed in the backyard.
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.