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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
We all have faults. It`s just that mine are better than yours.
Mondays are middle finger approved
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.