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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
is giving everyone permission to steal, and use this status.
Just bought a car with the money from my swear jar.