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Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
Marriage tip: Don`t
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
Hooray ! My face book film has been nominated for an Academy Award
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.