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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.