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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine`s Day! So I got drunk.
Don’t believe everything you think.
I asked him about his weekend, but apparently what happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness.
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.