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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
If there`s a "Mr." in front of your cat`s name you`re going to die alone.
How`d this get posted?
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.