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My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
Auctioneers are proof white guys could rap if they tried hard enough.
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
I like to think that people that unfriend me wake up months later regretting that irreversible and life altering decision.