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That awkward moment when im in the Airport, I walk through the metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off
Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
Ride me like you stole me.
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
I believe in love at first sight or as science calls it, "boners."
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
hilarious
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.