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Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
Women are so silly sometimes, thinking men actually care if they fake it.
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)