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No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullsh!t I`ll put up with before I catch on.
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
For Christmas I just want summer...
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
All I`m saying is there`s a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them.
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over