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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.
The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink.