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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea