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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
My wife and I decided not to have children. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
Did anyone else go into a furious, violent rage when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"