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There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
Be wary of someone who calls all their exes crazy. They`re probably the reason.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.