Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I`m the race car, sometimes I`m the iron. But usually I`m a peanut because I`ve lost all the game pieces.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
My boss doesn’t like it when I play slavery songs at work….
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
Asking me if I’m hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?