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When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
No need to thank me for accepting your friend request. We`ll both regret it soon enough.
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(