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I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
I asked him about his weekend, but apparently what happens in vagueness, stays in vagueness.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
"You suck! No, you suck!!" - Two women in a threesome
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.