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If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
Just made a bunch of money by standing outside a party and charging $3 to enter ... I don`t even know who`s party it was!
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
Why do sandwiches taste so much better when they are cut diagonally?
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.