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This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
What is the difference between a Snow-man & a Snow-lady? Snowballs!
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!