Daily Silly Status

Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account

Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham

Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza

Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.

I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.

I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.

With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.

I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.

I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.

If it`s tourist season why can`t we shoot them?

The bad news: I took the wrong medication today. The good news: For the next 3 months I`m protected against heartworms and fleas.

Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch

Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.

I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.