Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
My wife was out of town, so I had to run the morning routine by myself today. I learned a lot. For example, apparently I have two kids.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
I don`t post a lot of personal statuses - but when I do it`s all about you ..
I think I may be getting harder to love.
We think therefore we must be, but are we?