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My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively
I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.