Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don`t want anymore children living on our street.
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`