Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
You don’t have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
I hate spelling errors so much. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined....
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?