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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
The patience I have for my kids is directly proportional to the amount of people watching me.
Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.