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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
I do 5 sit-ups every morning. No, it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can press the snooze button.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
Love your neighbor. But don`t get caught.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them…
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk