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Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
“Do you have a charger?” is the new “Could I bum a cigarette?”
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
A touching letter by a little girl to Santa on Christmas: Dear Santa, Please give clothes to all those poor ladies in daddy`s laptop
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
It`s time to take the next big step in my relationship by popping the question to my girlfriend ....will you get me a beer :) (<>..<>)