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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
You`re in your 20`s... you don`t have "haters"... you have "adults" that think you are "annoying"
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
Accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat today and I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying “Curiosity was here”
Money went much further in the 1980s when you could peel the price stickers off milk cartons and stick them on anything you needed
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.