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When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
Feeling pretty good about myself today so I`m going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.
My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.