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Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
Karma may "work" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.