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thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
My favorite beer is an open one.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
The guy who used to proofread Hitler`s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"