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They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
once you delete your birthday from Facebook, you realize no-one ever gave a sh!t about you all along!
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.