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I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
Email: 8 character min, including 1 upper, 1 lower, 1 number, 1 special character. ATM card: 4 numbers
Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
Do you ever get that feeling that you are being watched? Because if it is bothering you, I can stop.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
Where do all the ice cream men go in winter?
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
It’s a holiday. You know what that means… Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.