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Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
When I was a kid, I really thought piranhas were going to be pretty much a daily concern.
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.