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Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
It`s always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they`re like, "thank you for choosing Domino`s."
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.