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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they say "to boldly go where no one has gone before", when they get there, they always meet someone?
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
If you are offended by the opinions I express you can only imagine the ones I keep to myself.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/