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For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
Running behind is my cardio.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with
My rabbit died yesterday… Now he’s just some bunny that I used to know…
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"