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Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
Fact: No woman has ever shot a man while he is doing the dishes!
So can we just skip to summer now?
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
Dear Ninja Turtles, Why are you wearing masks? There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one`s gonna mistake a different turtle for you.