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If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
Driving to work would be so much better if I didn’t always end up at work.
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
According to serving sizes tonight, I`m a family of 4.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
I just realized we cook bacon and bake cookies, get it together English.