Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire dayβs worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like Iβm working.
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people arenβt home. So from now on, Iβm at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
The ski racks on my car say Iβm fun, adventurous, and canβt figure out how to take the ski racks off my car.
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch