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So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
THESE NACHOS ARE THE BOMB! …..and that’s how I got my nachos taken away at the airport.
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speakerphone.
I watched my first silent movie the other day. The kids weren`t there.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f*cking hit it.
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
I just heard a woodpecker call me a `paranoid old weirdo` in morse code.
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?