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It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.