Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I`m not used to consuming wine in pill form.
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?