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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
If the government shutdown effected alcohol or internet porn they`d have this sh!t fixed by tomorrow morning.