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Transformation Tuesday! Throwback Thursday! Flashback Friday! Never underestimate a woman`s ability to find a reason to post a selfie.
Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don`t make a right. Tomorrow I`m going to try three.
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don`t want anymore children living on our street.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
The best part about going to Wal-Mart is having the book aisles all to yourself.
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
I wish I could match my dog`s excitement to go outside.
My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.