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School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
I had a really funny joke, but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.