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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
I hate it when teachers say, “You think it’s funny?” Obviously it is, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be laughing
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
A leaf blower, but for people.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
You don`t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.