Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
Please say a prayer for my coworker. His life is so boring that he just Instagrammed his Jimmy Johns sandwich
It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She`s quiet 2.She`s yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
Good for you, people that do things.
Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don`t serve breakfast?
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.