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Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
LSD makes users lose weight` That makes sense, it`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?
Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside