Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
Never say "piece of cake!" to me. Unless there is, indeed, a piece of cake involved.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world...
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.