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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Do bees even have knees?
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
why call it ordering pizza and not the pursuit of happiness
My pet unicorn told me that I was being delusional again. :/
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
Farting isn`t ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
Mom in poetic mood ....Asked me to express emptiness .... I showed her my wallet ........ n m cheek still burns .... :-p :-p
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.