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Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
I like to test the waters by pushing people in.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
I try not to laugh at my own jokes. But we all know I`m hilarious.
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.