Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
We live in a society that’s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
If you look in the mirror and say "Taylor Swift" three times, she magically appears then breaks up with you. What do u know next? You`re a song!
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I’m so glad I’m not a crazy person.
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.