Daily Silly Status

Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.

When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?

Nothing says "My life isn`t going exactly as I planned" quite like being at Wal Mart at 1am.

Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery

So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.

"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.

I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.

Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please

I wonder who the first person was to look at a beehive and think, "those bastards are hiding something delicious in there, I know it!"

Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.

Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*

Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.

That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..

You had me at 0 mutual friends

STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!