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Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
I forgot to post this earlier
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
Hell, I finally figured out what was wrong with me ... I have been reading the wrong horoscope!!
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.