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If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
I don`t think its a coincidence that "Sober" and "So bored" sound very much alike
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories