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Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.