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you need a license to drive, but anyone can have a kid.
Is it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets?
I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.