Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
My kids constantly yell at me whenever I try take their pictures, and I tell `em: "You`re gonna need them in 20 years for your Throw Back Thursdays updates"..... whatever!!
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they’re absolutely right because smart men don’t get married.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.
My favorite part of seeing someone I know in public is pretending I didn’t.