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Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
No matter what`s happening there`s always part of me that would rather be taking a nap or drinking.
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.