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Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
Do I misuse contractions? Yes, but it`s what it`s.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"