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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
Don’t jump to confusions.
Why do guys cheat on pretty girls with ugly ones...?
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.