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You can`t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that`s kind of the same thing.
That awkward moment when you get in the van... And there`s no candy.
It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
I bet people don’t understand that I’m joking 800% of the time.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
Don`t sell yourself short, in fact, don`t sell yourself at all. I`m pretty sure it`s illegal
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.