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I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
I kind of like it getting dark so early because it gives me a great excuse to just stay inside and watch TV.
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?