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I don`t care about your status...
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.