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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
If I throw a stick will you leave?
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.