Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
Women seem to want security. At least that`s what they yell whenever I approach them.
Even if I were taking a dump on the moon someone would walk in and sit down in the stall next to me.
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don`t serve breakfast?
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
According to my nipples, there;s a ninety-nine percent chance it`s cold as f*ck outside.
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time