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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.
Rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off of the floor is another story.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
I want to meet the guy at Hewlett Packard who decides how many minutes of strange noises their printers make before printing 1 page.
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?