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Sometimes all you need is $100,000
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?