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Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
This goes out to the person who thought of the idea to put stickers on each and every piece of fruit. "Nobody like`s your idea"
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
Does this floor Iām laying on make me look unmotivated?