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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
Is Nudeism a religion?
When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.