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SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt
I`m terribly sorry but I have decided not to grow up and act my age after all. So there.
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
"They are more afraid of you than you are of them." -people who know even less about me than they do about bears
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
Making good decisions doesn’t really go with my outfit.
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.