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I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
This morning I woke up to a surprise BJ. Thats the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.