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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
I wasn`t even going for broke. But I got it!
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma`am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)