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There’s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
drink beer ?? save water
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
99 Days Facebook Free? Big deal! In 1999 I went a whole year without Facebook.
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.