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We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
I`m pretty sure by now “lazy” is just part of my personality description.
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a medication bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness".
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of crap.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.