Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
I can`t be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.