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If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
Don’t jump to confusions.
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)
More people should be at a loss for words.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
I like to jump onto people`s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.