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I put the o in illiterate!
Your car took up two spaces, I tried to move it over with my key.
Mondays should start at noon.
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.