Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven`t tried yet.
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
"I’m not drunk!” is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time